What About When Your Child Just Can’t Cope With School Anymore?

There comes a moment in many SEND families’ journeys when everything breaks.
When the early mornings become panic attacks.
When the school gates feel like a battlefield.
When your child, who used to try so hard, just… stops.

They can’t go in.
And you can’t make them.

And suddenly, you’re not just navigating a broken system—you’re fighting to protect your child from it.

“It Was Never Meant to Be This Way…”

So many parents tell us: “We tried everything. Rewards, routines, therapists, early mornings, lifting them into the car… but it just kept getting worse.”

And the heartbreak? It’s not just watching your child unravel. It’s being told it’s your fault. That you’re “colluding” with their anxiety. That they “just need boundaries.” That it’s a parenting issue, not a provision one.

Let’s be clear: it is not your fault.

When a child cannot cope with school, the answer isn’t to double down on forcing them in. The answer is to listen to what their distress is telling us—and act on it.

What Does “Not Coping” Really Look Like?

For some kids, it’s screaming and lashing out before school.
For others, it’s silence, shutdown, or illness every single morning.
Some kids become aggressive. Others just disappear into themselves.

And when they do make it into school, the cost can be huge—meltdowns at home, exhaustion, refusal to eat, sleep, speak. We hear stories every day of children who are technically attending school—but are crumbling underneath.

That is not education.
That is survival. And it cannot last.

What Can You Do When You Reach This Point?

1. Put it in writing.
   Let the school and local authority know that your child is no longer able to attend due to emotional or mental health needs. Use words like “not fit to attend,” “trauma,” and “emotional-based school avoidance.”
2. Request a change to provision.
   If your child has an EHCP, you can request an early review and ask for Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS). If they don’t, you can request an EHCP and ask for interim provision under Section 19 of the Education Act.
3. Collect evidence.
   Letters from your GP, Educational Psychologist, CAMHS, or therapist all help. Even your own records of behaviour and distress matter. Your voice counts.
4. Say no to pressure.
   You are not legally required to force your child into school if it’s harming them. Keep everything in writing and seek support.

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At AskEllie, we’ve read hundreds of stories from families who hit this exact point. And while every situation is different, the pain is shared: the feeling that you’re screaming into a void, trying to protect your child from a system that doesn’t seem to care.

But there are steps you can take. There are legal protections. And there is a growing movement of parents saying enough is enough.

If your child can’t cope with school anymore, you’re not alone.
Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk—we’re here to help you push back, be heard, and find a way forward.