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Caring for a child with special educational needs (SEN) is often all-consuming. The appointments, the school meetings, the EHCP paperwork—and on top of that, you’re trying to manage your child’s emotions, behaviour, sensory needs, and your own mental wellbeing. It’s no wonder so many parents say they’re running on empty.

This post is a gentle reminder that your needs matter too—and offers practical self-care tips to help you feel more in control, more supported, and more like yourself again.

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1. Get Organised—But Give Yourself Grace

Organisation can make a world of difference in reducing stress:

• Use a shared family calendar to track appointments, deadlines, and school reviews.
• Keep a folder (physical or digital) for all EHCP and medical documents—so you’re not scrambling every time something is needed.
• Use reminder apps or sticky notes for medication, calls, or daily routines.

But don’t put pressure on yourself to run your household like a military operation. Being organised is about freeing up mental space—not adding guilt.

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2. Figure Out What Works (and What Doesn’t)

Every SEN family is different. Take time to notice:

• What routines actually help your child feel calm and regulated?
• What activities drain you emotionally—and which fill you up?
• Which professionals listen and support you—and which don’t?

You don’t need to follow every bit of advice from school or services. Trust your instincts. Build around what works for you. Let go of what doesn’t.

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3. Use the Support That Exists—Even If It’s Flawed

We all know the system isn’t perfect, but there are still services that can lighten the load:

• SENDIASS – Offers local advice and support on EHCPs and school rights.
• Carer’s Assessments – These are for you as a parent, and can lead to practical support.
• Parent support groups – Online or in-person, these are vital places to vent, share, and realise you’re not alone.

If you feel like you’re getting nowhere, places like AskEllie can help you understand your rights and navigate the maze.

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4. Create Small, Manageable Self-Help Habits

You don’t need a full day off (though we wish you could have one!). Try:

• 10 minutes of deep breathing or walking outside.
• Listening to a podcast or music while doing chores.
• Saying no to one thing a week that drains you.
• Leaving the dishes for once and going to bed early.

Tiny acts of self-care matter. They’re what keep you going in the long run.

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5. Look After Your Mental Health—It’s Not a Luxury

Caring for a child with SEN often involves grief, burnout, isolation, and trauma. If you’re feeling low, angry, or anxious—that’s valid.

Consider:

• Talking to your GP about stress or anxiety.
• Asking your local authority if they offer counselling or respite.
• Reaching out to other parents who just get it.

Your wellbeing isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your child’s wellbeing too.

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You Deserve Support Too

You don’t need to be superhuman. You just need space to breathe, tools to manage the chaos, and people who understand what you’re going through.

For help with EHCPs, school battles, and navigating SEND systems, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk. You matter too.

When raising a child with Special Educational Needs (SEN), planning family holidays requires careful consideration of school attendance regulations. Understanding the current rules is essential to avoid potential fines and ensure your child’s educational needs are met.​

1. Understanding Term-Time Holiday Regulations

In England, headteachers can only authorize term-time holidays under “exceptional circumstances.” Family holidays are generally not considered exceptional, making unauthorized absences subject to fines. This policy applies to all students, including those with SEN. ​House of Commons Library

2. Fines for Unauthorised Absences

As of August 2024, fines for unauthorized school absences have been standardized across England:​

• £80 if paid within 21 days.​The Sun
• £160 if paid within 28 days.​bso.bradford.gov.uk+2Birmingham City Council+2Sefton Council+2

These fines are per parent, per child. Repeated offenses may lead to further legal actions, including prosecution. ​Education HubBirmingham City Council

3. Considerations for SEN Children

While the regulations apply to all students, parents of SEN children can discuss specific circumstances with the headteacher. For instance, if a child with autism would benefit from a holiday during less crowded periods due to sensory sensitivities, this might be considered an exceptional circumstance. However, approval is at the discretion of the headteacher, and there’s no guarantee of authorization. ​

4. Recommendations for Parents

• Open Communication: Engage in a dialogue with your child’s school to explain any unique needs or circumstances that might warrant term-time leave.​
• Documentation: Provide supporting evidence, such as recommendations from healthcare professionals, to substantiate your request.​
• Stay Informed: Regularly check for updates from the Department for Education and consult with local authorities to stay informed about any changes to attendance policies.​

By understanding these regulations and maintaining open communication with your child’s school, you can better navigate the complexities of term-time holidays for SEN children.

If you’ve ever typed into a SEND support group at 2AM, overwhelmed, exhausted, and desperate for answers—you’re not alone.

Thousands of parents across the UK are asking the same questions every day. At AskEllie, we’ve seen them all—and we’re here to give you clear, straight answers.

Here are the most common questions asked by parents in Facebook groups:

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1. Do I need a diagnosis to get an EHCP?

No.
An EHCP is based on needs, not labels. A diagnosis can help clarify things, but it’s not required. What matters is the evidence showing what your child struggles with and what support they need.

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2. Can the school refuse to apply for an EHCP?

They can, but you don’t have to wait.
You can apply directly as a parent to the local authority. You don’t need the school’s permission or support to do this.

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3. Is it worth going private for a diagnosis or report?

It depends. A well-written private report from a trusted professional can help—but it doesn’t guarantee anything. What matters most is that it clearly describes the child’s needs and recommends specific provision.

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4. My child can’t cope with school anymore—what can I do?

If your child is emotionally or mentally unfit to attend, the school and LA must provide alternative provision. You can ask for Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS) if they can’t access school safely.

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5. What is Alternative Provision (AP) and why is my child being sent there?

AP is education provided outside of mainstream, often for children struggling to manage in a regular setting. It must still meet their EHCP needs, and shouldn’t be used as a dumping ground.

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6. Should I send my child to a school just to “prove it doesn’t work”?

No.
If a setting is clearly unsuitable or unsafe, you do not need to send your child in to prove harm. Instead, focus on gathering professional evidence and requesting a review or appeal.

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7. We’re going to Tribunal—what do I need to prepare?

You’ll need:

• Evidence of needs (from reports, observations, etc.)
• Examples of what hasn’t worked
• A clear ask: what you want changed in the EHCP
  We’ve got a full guide to help at AskEllie.co.uk.

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8. When do I go to the Ombudsman?

If your LA is ignoring legal deadlines, delaying support, or refusing to act—and you’ve tried the complaints process—it’s time to escalate. The Ombudsman can investigate and even award compensation.

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9. How do I manage my child’s meltdowns and still protect the rest of the family?

It’s tough. There’s no perfect answer—but calm routines, low-demand environments, sibling support, and knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference. There’s a full post about this on our blog.

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10. What if no one came to my child’s birthday party?

Then we cry with you. And remind you: this isn’t about your child being unlovable. It’s about a system—and a society—that still hasn’t learned how to embrace difference. You’re not alone, and neither is your child.

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These are just a few of the most common questions asked by thousands of parents every day. At AskEllie, we’ve built a tool to make sure those questions aren’t just answered—but acted on.

Come by AskEllie.co.uk—for legal support, emotional backup, and the knowledge that you are not in this alone.

You’re asking the right questions. We’re here to help you find the right answers.

Every parent hopes their child will enjoy school. But for some families, especially those with neurodivergent children, school doesn’t just fall short—it becomes the source of trauma.

We’ve heard from so many parents through AskEllie whose children have been placed in specialist settings that simply don’t work. Their child never settles. They never manage to attend. And after months—or even years—of trying, pleading, and waiting for change, the only thing left is the one thing the system resists the most: Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS).

What is EOTIS?

EOTIS is a legal route where a child is educated outside of a school setting—usually at home, with support in place from the local authority. It’s not the same as elective home education. It’s provision named in the EHCP, backed by professionals, because it’s the only way the child can access learning without further harm.

When School Is No Longer Safe

Parents often arrive at this point after years of failed placements, escalating anxiety, and trauma responses that make any kind of attendance impossible. Some children have told schools outright: “I can’t go.” Others become ill every morning. Some lash out. Some go silent. Some shut down entirely.

And too often, the response from schools or local authorities is: “He can come in. We just need you to make him.”

We’ve seen it countless times—parents being told their child’s provision won’t be delivered unless they physically get them into school. One parent shared that the school said the EHCP only “activates” if the child walks through the school gates. When they asked how to get their traumatised 8-year-old in, the answer was: “Just make him.”

That’s not education. That’s coercion.

Why It Matters to Get It Right

When a child is struggling to attend school due to anxiety, trauma, sensory issues or fear, forcing them in can backfire badly. It can destroy trust not only in the setting—but in learning itself.

Instead, what these children need is a setting that meets them where they are, builds trust, and slowly re-engages them in education. That’s what EOTIS can offer—if the local authority is willing to listen.

What the Law Says

If an EHCP names a setting your child cannot attend, and you have professional evidence supporting EOTIS (like an Educational Psychologist or psychotherapist), the local authority has a legal duty to ensure the provision in Section F is delivered—whether in school or not.

They cannot legally withhold provision just because your child isn’t physically present at school. Section 42 of the Children and Families Act 2014 is clear: the LA must secure the provision in the EHCP.

What Parents Can Do

• Gather evidence: If professionals recommend EOTIS, get it in writing.
• Put everything in writing: Ask the school and LA how they plan to deliver provision if your child cannot attend.
• Consider appealing: If the EHCP names a setting that’s unsuitable in practice, you can appeal to Tribunal for a change of placement or an EOTIS package.
• Document the harm: If your child’s mental health is suffering due to school pressure, keep a clear record. This matters.

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At AskEllie, we’ve been deeply moved by the stories families have shared. Stories of children who want to learn but simply cannot cope in the settings they’ve been placed in. Stories of exhausted parents being made to feel like failures for protecting their kids.

It’s time to stop asking “Why won’t they go to school?”
And start asking: “What has school done to them?”

If this is your story, or close to it, we hear you.
You can get help, templates, and guidance at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.

Navigating the Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) process can be one of the most challenging experiences for any parent of a child with special educational needs. Local Authorities (LAs) are responsible for assessing children and young people with SEND and determining what support they are legally entitled to. Unfortunately, delays, misunderstandings, and communication breakdowns are common. This blog post aims to help you approach your Local Authority more confidently and effectively.

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1. Know Who You’re Talking To: Understand Your Case Officer

Your case officer (sometimes called a SEN Caseworker or Plan Coordinator) is your main point of contact at the LA. They manage your child’s case and act as a gatekeeper for information and decisions. Here’s how to work with them effectively:

• Be polite, but persistent. Keep all communication written where possible so you have a record.
• Learn their name, job title, and direct contact details.
• Understand they are often overworked—but your child’s rights still come first.
• Ask for regular updates and always confirm conversations via email.

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2. Get the School on Side

Before even applying for an EHCP, meet with the school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). Make sure:

• The SENCO understands your child’s needs and agrees more support is needed.
• The school has documented evidence of what they’ve already tried (this is vital).
• You ask the school if they will co-write or support your application.

While schools can request an EHCP themselves, parents have the same right—and doing it yourself sometimes gives you more control.

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3. How to Apply for an EHCP

You can apply directly to your LA. Your request should include:

• A clear letter stating why your child needs an EHC needs assessment.
• Evidence such as reports from school, medical professionals, and your own observations.
• Any diagnoses or concerns you have, even if they aren’t formally recognised yet.

Once your request is received, the LA must decide whether to carry out an assessment within 6 weeks.

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4. Why EHCP Applications Fail

Common reasons include:

• Lack of documented evidence showing that SEN Support isn’t enough.
• LA relying solely on school input without independent reports.
• Vague or inconsistent wording in reports.

To reduce risk of refusal:

• Use language that highlights how your child is not making expected progress despite support.
• Include supporting letters from professionals where possible.
• Ensure the school is on board and their documentation backs up your case.

If the LA refuses, you have a legal right to appeal to the SEND Tribunal.

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5. Timelines to Know

• 6 weeks: LA must decide whether to assess.
• 16 weeks: If yes, they must complete the assessment.
• 20 weeks: Final EHCP must be issued (from date of initial request).

Delays are common—but they are unlawful. You can write formal complaints or seek legal advice if these timelines are breached.

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6. Communicating Effectively

• Keep a written log of all calls, emails, and letters.
• Always confirm verbal conversations with a follow-up email.
• Use clear, calm language—even when you’re frustrated.
• Refer to the SEND Code of Practice and the Children and Families Act 2014 if needed.

Example: “As outlined in section 9.14 of the SEND Code of Practice, my child is entitled to a full EHC needs assessment when it is clear that SEN Support is not meeting their needs.”

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7. When to Push Harder

If you feel like you’re getting nowhere:

• Contact the LA’s SENDIASS team for advice.
• Escalate to a team leader or manager in the SEN department.
• Contact your MP with a timeline of events and your concerns.
• Consider legal advocacy or reaching out to support services like AskEllie.

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You Don’t Have to Fight Alone

Negotiating with the LA can be draining and confusing, but knowledge is power. Be organised, document everything, and never forget that your child is entitled to support that meets their needs—not just what’s convenient or affordable.

For more advice, tools, and tailored support, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk.

Finding the right school for a child with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) can be overwhelming. If your child has an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), you have the legal right to request a school that meets their needs—but how do you actually find that school, and what do you say when you do?

Here’s a practical guide to help you search for, approach, and communicate with specialist settings when you’re looking for a placement.

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1. Understand What You’re Looking For

Before searching, take time to clearly understand your child’s needs as detailed in Section B and the provision listed in Section F of their EHCP. This will help you identify the kind of setting that’s most suitable—for example:

• Autism-specific provision?
• SEMH (Social, Emotional and Mental Health) support?
• Speech and language-focused?
• A residential or day school?

Knowing your child’s profile and the type of support they need will guide your search.

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2. Search for Specialist Settings

Start by checking:

• Your Local Authority’s Local Offer – Most councils list specialist settings on their SEND pages.
• OFSTED reports – For insight into how schools support SEND learners.
• Word of mouth – SEND support groups on Facebook or local forums can offer honest feedback.
• AskEllie.co.uk – Our site includes tools and advice on how to search and compare schools.

Keep a spreadsheet or simple list of schools you come across with notes like:

• Type of school
• Distance/travel time
• Capacity and admissions policy
• Your gut feeling from any contact or reviews

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3. Contacting Schools: What to Say

Once you’ve shortlisted some schools, reach out to them directly. You can call or email—but emails are often easier for keeping a paper trail.

Here’s a basic structure for your message:

Hi, I’m the parent of a [child’s age] year-old with an EHCP. We are currently looking for a setting that can meet their needs as described in their plan. I wondered if you are currently accepting referrals or visits, and if you’d be willing to consider our child. I’m happy to send over the EHCP and any supporting reports.

Thank you so much, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Keep it polite, clear, and brief. Schools are busy, but many are happy to talk and even set up a visit.

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4. What to Ask During a Visit or Call

If a school agrees to speak or meet with you, come prepared with key questions:

• What kinds of needs do you specialise in?
• What does a typical school day look like for a child like mine?
• How do you support transitions and anxiety?
• Can you provide 1:1 support if needed?
• What is the current availability or waiting time?

Don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions—you deserve to know how your child will be supported.

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5. If a School Says They Can Meet Needs

If a school agrees they can meet your child’s needs, you can request it be named in Section I of the EHCP during an annual review or mediation. If the local authority refuses, you have the right to appeal.

Ask the school if they are willing to confirm in writing that they can meet your child’s needs—this can strengthen your case.

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6. If No School Feels Right Yet

Sometimes, none of the local options feel suitable. Keep searching. You can:

• Ask your LA’s SEND case officer for suggestions
• Look beyond your local area (the LA must consider out-of-area placements if no local one is suitable)
• Consider independent or non-maintained special schools (NMSS)

And remember: if your child’s current provision is not meeting need, the local authority has a legal duty to act.

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Final Thoughts

Finding the right setting can take time and perseverance, but you do have rights. Be persistent, stay organised, and don’t be afraid to ask questions or challenge decisions.

If you need help with wording emails, requesting placements, or appealing LA decisions, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk. We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Navigating the Special Educational Needs and Disability (SEND) Tribunal process can be challenging for parents and carers advocating for their child’s educational rights. As we move into 2025, understanding the steps involved and preparing effectively can significantly impact the outcome. This guide aims to provide you with a clear roadmap to prepare for a SEND Tribunal.​

1. Understand Your Rights and Grounds for Appeal

Before initiating an appeal, it’s crucial to comprehend the decisions that can be challenged. You have the right to appeal if the local authority (LA) decides:​

• Not to conduct an Education, Health, and Care (EHC) needs assessment upon request.​
• Not to issue an EHC plan after an assessment.​
• To cease an existing EHC plan.​
• Regarding the content of an EHC plan, including the description of special educational needs, the specified provision, or the named placement.​

Understanding these grounds ensures that your appeal is appropriately directed and substantiated.​

2. Adhere to Timelines and Initiate Mediation

Timeliness is vital in the appeal process. You must lodge your appeal within two months of the LA’s decision letter or within one month of receiving a mediation certificate, whichever is later. Before appealing, you’re required to consider mediation to resolve disputes amicably. Engaging in mediation involves contacting a mediation adviser who will guide you through the process. If mediation doesn’t resolve the issue or you choose not to proceed with it, you’ll receive a certificate allowing you to advance to the tribunal stage.​

3. Compile Comprehensive Evidence

A well-prepared evidence bundle is the cornerstone of a successful appeal. Your documentation should include:​

• Educational Records: School reports, Individual Education Plans (IEPs), and any correspondence with the school or LA.​
• Assessment Reports: Evaluations from educational psychologists, therapists, or medical professionals detailing your child’s needs.​
• Personal Statements: Detailed accounts from you and, if appropriate, your child, describing daily challenges and the support required.​
• Witness Statements: Testimonies from teachers, SEN coordinators, or other professionals familiar with your child’s needs.​

Organize these documents systematically, ensuring each piece of evidence directly supports your case.​

4. Complete and Submit the Appeal Form

To formally initiate your appeal, complete the SEND Tribunal appeal form, ensuring all sections are accurately filled out. Attach your evidence bundle and the mediation certificate. You can submit your appeal online or via post, as per the tribunal’s guidelines. Always retain copies of all submitted documents for your records.​

5. Prepare for the Hearing

Once your appeal is lodged, you’ll receive a hearing date along with case directions. Preparation steps include:​

• Reviewing Your Case: Familiarize yourself with all submitted documents and the key points of your argument.​
• Planning Your Presentation: Outline the main issues you wish to address during the hearing.​
• Coordinating Witnesses: Arrange for relevant professionals to provide evidence, ensuring they are available on the hearing date.​

While legal representation isn’t mandatory, seeking advice from SEND specialists or advocacy groups can be beneficial.​

6. Attend the Tribunal Hearing

During the hearing:​

• Present Your Case Clearly: Articulate your child’s needs and the reasons for your appeal succinctly.​
• Refer to Evidence: Support your statements with references to your compiled evidence.​
• Answer Questions Honestly: Respond to any queries from the tribunal panel to the best of your knowledge.​

The tribunal panel typically comprises a judge and two specialist members who will consider all evidence before making a decision.​

7. Post-Hearing Procedures

You should receive the tribunal’s decision in writing within 10 working days after the hearing. If the decision is in your favor, the LA is expected to implement the tribunal’s orders within specified timeframes. If the appeal is unsuccessful, the decision letter will outline further options, including the possibility of appealing to the Upper Tribunal on points of law.​

Additional Resources

For further guidance and support, consider consulting with organizations that offer resources and training on SEND law and tribunal procedures. Additionally, local SEND Information, Advice, and Support Services (SENDIASS) provide impartial advice tailored to your area’s policies and procedures. Consulting with solicitors experienced in SEND law can also offer personalized assistance and representation.​

Preparing for a SEND Tribunal requires diligence, organization, and a clear understanding of your child’s needs and rights. By following these steps and utilizing available resources, you can advocate effectively for the educational support your child deserves.​

For personalized assistance and resources, visit AskEllie.co.uk.

If you’ve landed here, you’re probably in the thick of it — battling your Local Authority, drowning in paperwork, feeling overwhelmed, and wondering how on earth you’re going to fight for your child’s rights without spending thousands on legal help.

You’re not alone.

We created AskEllie because we’ve been there too. Parents, carers, and guardians across the UK are up against a system that feels impossible to navigate. EHCP delays, unlawful refusals, denied placements, lack of provision — and when you try to stand up for your child? You’re often told you need a solicitor or barrister just to have a chance.

But here’s the truth:

❌ You don’t have to go into debt to go to tribunal.

✅ You just need the right tools — and someone in your corner who gets it.

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What AskEllie Does (That Legal Aid Often Can’t)

Ellie is a free digital assistant trained on the SEND Code of Practice, UK law, tribunal procedures, and actual case experience from thousands of families like yours. She can help you:

• ✍️ Write letters to your LA that hit the right legal notes
• 📋 Understand what’s lawful (and what’s not) when you’re refused support
• 🧭 Guide you through the appeal process step-by-step
• 💬 Give you scripts and templates to push back without panic
• ⚖️ Explain your rights — in plain language, without the jargon
• 👊 Stand your ground when you’re told “there’s no budget” or “that’s not possible”

Most importantly, Ellie never gets tired. She’s here 24/7, for free, and she’s not afraid to call out unlawful behaviour.

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Why Families Are Using AskEllie Instead of Solicitors

Legal support is often amazing — if you can afford it. But with quotes ranging from £2,000 to £10,000+ for a single tribunal case, it’s out of reach for most families.

That’s where AskEllie changes the game.

“Ellie helped us respond to every LA delay, write the right things, and stay calm — we won our tribunal without spending a penny.”
— Parent of a 9-year-old autistic girl, Essex

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Here’s How to Get Started

1. Head to www.askellie.co.uk
2. Use the chatbot to ask anything — no question is too small
3. Use our free letter-writing features to reply to the LA, request assessments, or appeal decisions
4. Browse real parent stories and read what’s working for others
5. Stay strong — we’re with you every step of the way 💪

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You Can Do This Without a Lawyer.

And if you ever need to bring in a solicitor later, that’s your call. But for many families, Ellie is the support system they need to get started, get organised, and get justice.

📣 The law is on your side. Let Ellie help you use it.

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Want more help now?
Visit 👉 www.askellie.co.uk
Or follow us on TikTok for daily tips and support from real parents who get it.

In recent weeks, the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has announced major reforms that will change the face of the UK’s welfare system as we know it. While the government claims these changes aim to simplify access to benefits and encourage employment, many families, particularly those caring for disabled children and adults, are left fearing what the future holds.

What’s Changing?

1. Scrapping of the Work Capability Assessment (WCA): The WCA is currently used to assess whether someone is too ill or disabled to work. The government plans to scrap this entirely and instead rely more heavily on Personal Independence Payment (PIP) as a marker for disability support. The concern? PIP is already notoriously hard to qualify for, and new proposals suggest the criteria may get even tougher.

2. Stricter Eligibility for PIP: According to government data, 370,000 current PIP claimants could lose their entitlement, with another 430,000 potentially denied future support under tightened rules. That could mean an average loss of £4,500 per year per family. For those already stretched thin by the rising cost of living, this is devastating.

3. Changes to Universal Credit: The standard Universal Credit allowance is set to increase incrementally over the next five years, with some above-inflation rises. But for families losing access to disability benefits, these increases may not go far enough.

4. Real-Time Benefits Reporting for Employers: From April 2026, employers will need to report benefits-in-kind (like company cars or medical cover) in real-time through payroll. This might simplify things for businesses, but offers little relief or clarity for struggling families.

What Does This Mean for Disabled Families?

These reforms have sent a clear message: disability support is under review, and the net is tightening. For parents already navigating the chaos of SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) systems, delayed EHCPs, underfunded schools, and long CAMHS waiting lists, the welfare system was often a final lifeline. Now even that is uncertain.

Families caring for children with complex needs are often unable to work full-time or at all due to their responsibilities. The DWP’s shift towards a more employment-focused model appears to overlook the reality of what it takes to care for a high-needs child 24/7.

So, What Can You Do?

1. Stay Informed: Follow trusted advocacy groups like AskEllie.co.uk, Disability Rights UK, and Scope for updates and guidance.
2. Speak Up: The government is still in a consultation phase for some of these proposals. Now is the time to write to your MP, respond to public consultations, and share your story.
3. Seek Support: If you’re worried about changes to your benefits, organisations like Citizens Advice and local welfare rights groups can help you understand your rights and options.
4. Join the Movement: At AskEllie, we’re gathering voices from across the UK to bring real stories to Parliament. If you’re affected by these reforms, submit your experience through our website. Your voice matters more than ever.

Final Thoughts

Our grandparents fought after WWII for a welfare system that protected the vulnerable and gave families a safety net. We must now ask: are we watching those protections unravel?

Families with disabled children are not asking for luxuries. We’re asking for fairness, dignity, and the ability to give our children the care they need without falling into poverty. If these reforms go ahead unchecked, that future is at risk.

The time to act is now.

Visit www.askellie.co.uk to learn more and get involved.

What is Masking in PDA? Masking is when a child hides or suppresses their difficulties in order to fit in, avoid conflict, or stay out of trouble. In children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), masking is especially common – often driven by extreme anxiety or fear of losing control.

A child with PDA may appear calm, quiet, or compliant in school, while melting down at home due to the effort of holding it all together. This can lead professionals to underestimate the child’s needs and wrongly assume they’re coping.

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Why Schools Often Miss It Because masking children “look fine” during the school day, their difficulties are often dismissed. Schools may say:

• “They’re fine here”
• “We don’t see any problems”
• “Their behaviour doesn’t warrant extra support”

But parents know the truth: masking can cause enormous distress, delayed outbursts, emotional shutdowns, or total exhaustion at home. Over time, masking can even lead to burnout and school refusal.

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Legal Responsibilities of the School & Local Authority Under the Children and Families Act 2014 and the SEND Code of Practice, both the school and local authority have a duty to:

• Recognise unseen and hidden needs, including those that only show outside of school hours.
• Consider parental evidence and home-based behaviours when assessing SEN.
• Provide support based on a child’s underlying needs, not just outward behaviour in school.

A school cannot legally deny support simply because a child is masking well during lessons.

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What Can You Do as a Parent?

1. Document everything – keep a record of your child’s home behaviours, meltdowns, shutdowns, refusals, and emotional exhaustion.
2. Request an EHCP Needs Assessment if the school isn’t recognising the level of need. Include evidence of how masking affects your child outside school.
3. Challenge dismissive language like “they’re fine here.” Ask: “What assessments have been done to fully understand how they cope after the school day?”
4. AskEllie – use www.askellie.co.uk to help draft letters, prepare EHCP requests, or respond to school and LA decisions. It’s free and based on current UK law.

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Final Thought Masking is not a sign that your child is coping. It’s a sign they are surviving. And surviving is not enough.

The law is clear: support must be based on need, not appearance. If your child is struggling behind closed doors, you have every right to demand that schools and local authorities look closer – and act.