No one really prepares you for the meltdowns.
The screaming.
The hitting.
The shutting down.
The guilt that follows.
The shame no one talks about.
And the truth is—it’s not just your child that’s impacted.
It’s everyone in the house.
We hear this every day at AskEllie:
“I love my child so much, but their meltdowns are tearing our family apart.”
“My other kids are walking on eggshells.”
“We’re constantly split between managing explosions and trying to give everyone else attention.”
If that’s you—you’re not failing. You’re surviving.
Let’s talk about what helps.
💥 First: What Is a Meltdown?
Meltdowns are not tantrums. They’re not “naughty” behaviour.
They’re nervous system overloads—your child’s way of saying “I’ve hit my limit.”
Too much noise. Too many demands. Too many transitions. Not enough support.
The meltdown is the explosion after the warning signs were missed.
🧩 Managing Meltdowns (Before, During, and After)
1. Spot the early signs:
Every child has a “rumble stage.” That might look like pacing, covering ears, silly behaviour, or zoning out. Learn your child’s cues—and intervene early if you can.
2. Lower the demands:
When they’re escalating, this is not the time for “one more thing.” Drop your expectations. Strip things back.
3. Create a safe exit:
A quiet space, a favourite item, or permission to leave the room can help your child feel some control again.
4. Stay calm (even if you’re not):
You don’t have to fix the meltdown. Just be there. Be a calm presence. Your child needs you to be the anchor when they feel lost at sea.
5. Repair after rupture:
When it’s over, talk gently. “You were really overwhelmed. That’s okay. I’m here.” Let them know they’re still loved—even when they lose it.
💔 And What About Everyone Else?
This is where it gets hard.
Because while you’re managing meltdowns, your other children are trying to do homework, or eat dinner, or just be heard. And your partner? Probably just as tired as you.
Things that can help:
- Divide and conquer: One parent with the child in meltdown, one with siblings.
- Give siblings a role (when safe): “Can you help me find the calming toy?” Sometimes helping eases their own anxiety.
- Family resets: After a hard moment, do something simple together—watch a film, have a cuddle, go for a walk. Remind everyone you’re still a team.
- Get outside help: If it’s affecting everyone, ask for respite, therapy, or support from school. You do not have to carry this alone.
🧠 You Can’t Fix This by Burning Yourself Out
You’re allowed to feel angry.
You’re allowed to cry in the bathroom.
You’re allowed to say, “This is too much.”
But please also know: You are doing something incredible.
You are loving a child through the hardest moments of their life—and trying to hold your family together in the process.
And that’s nothing short of heroic.
At AskEllie, we hear the pain behind the meltdowns.
And we know how isolating it is when no one else sees the chaos at home.
We see you. We’ve been you.
And we’re here to help.
Get guidance, emotional support, and legal help around EHCPs, home education, exclusions and more at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.
You’re doing better than you think. And you’re not alone.
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