When you’re raising a child with Special Educational Needs (SEN), your marriage can either feel like your greatest strength—or something that’s just about surviving.
The truth is, parenting a neurodivergent child takes more than love—it takes teamwork. And when that team is strong, the whole family feels it. Your child feels it. You feel it. And your relationship doesn’t get lost in the chaos.
Here are some honest, battle-tested tips for keeping your partnership strong while parenting through the storm.
1. Your Child Needs You United—Even When You Don’t Agree
You won’t always be on the same page. One of you might be more emotional, the other more practical. One might want to push the school harder, while the other wants to keep the peace. That’s okay.
The key is not being perfect—but being united.
Disagree behind closed doors. Show up for your child as a united front. When children with SEN feel safe, backed up, and emotionally supported by both parents, it does wonders for their regulation and trust in the world.
2. Divide the Load—and Name It
SEN parenting is relentless. The emails, the meltdowns, the meetings, the forms, the transitions—it’s easy for one parent to carry the bulk of it while the other feels helpless or disconnected.
Sit down together. List it all out.
Ask: What’s burning you out? What can I take off your plate this week?
It’s not about 50/50—it’s about doing what you can, when you can, for each other. Because when resentment builds, everyone loses.
3. Protect Time That Isn’t About Parenting
You need moments where you’re not “Mum” and “Dad” or “SEND advocates.” You’re just you. That might be a 30-minute walk. A takeaway and a film after bedtime. A coffee outside the house. It doesn’t have to be big—but it has to be something.
Protect your time together like you protect your child’s EHCP.
Because you matter, too.
4. Let Each Other Break Down
There will be days one of you is strong and the other is in pieces. There will be days when both of you feel like you can’t do this anymore. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
Let each other cry. Rant. Go quiet.
Then remind each other of what you’ve already come through. You’ve got more fight in you than you think.
5. You’re Modelling Love, Even Through the Hard Bits
Your child watches how you speak to each other, how you repair after a disagreement, how you advocate and support each other. You’re showing them what love looks like—not just the soft parts, but the resilient parts too.
Final Thoughts
Raising a child with additional needs puts stress on even the strongest relationship. But it can also bring out depths of love, empathy, and teamwork you never knew you had.
You’re not just surviving—you’re showing your child what safety and partnership look like.
If you’re ever feeling stuck, burnt out, or alone in the fight, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk. We see you. We’re with you.
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