What is Masking in PDA? Masking is when a child hides or suppresses their difficulties in order to fit in, avoid conflict, or stay out of trouble. In children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), masking is especially common – often driven by extreme anxiety or fear of losing control.
A child with PDA may appear calm, quiet, or compliant in school, while melting down at home due to the effort of holding it all together. This can lead professionals to underestimate the child’s needs and wrongly assume they’re coping.
Why Schools Often Miss It Because masking children “look fine” during the school day, their difficulties are often dismissed. Schools may say:
- “They’re fine here”
- “We don’t see any problems”
- “Their behaviour doesn’t warrant extra support”
But parents know the truth: masking can cause enormous distress, delayed outbursts, emotional shutdowns, or total exhaustion at home. Over time, masking can even lead to burnout and school refusal.
Legal Responsibilities of the School & Local Authority Under the Children and Families Act 2014 and the SEND Code of Practice, both the school and local authority have a duty to:
- Recognise unseen and hidden needs, including those that only show outside of school hours.
- Consider parental evidence and home-based behaviours when assessing SEN.
- Provide support based on a child’s underlying needs, not just outward behaviour in school.
A school cannot legally deny support simply because a child is masking well during lessons.
What Can You Do as a Parent?
- Document everything – keep a record of your child’s home behaviours, meltdowns, shutdowns, refusals, and emotional exhaustion.
- Request an EHCP Needs Assessment if the school isn’t recognising the level of need. Include evidence of how masking affects your child outside school.
- Challenge dismissive language like “they’re fine here.” Ask: “What assessments have been done to fully understand how they cope after the school day?”
- AskEllie – use www.askellie.co.uk to help draft letters, prepare EHCP requests, or respond to school and LA decisions. It’s free and based on current UK law.
Final Thought Masking is not a sign that your child is coping. It’s a sign they are surviving. And surviving is not enough.
The law is clear: support must be based on need, not appearance. If your child is struggling behind closed doors, you have every right to demand that schools and local authorities look closer – and act.
Leave a Reply