When your autistic child tells you they feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole at school, it hits hard. It’s not just a metaphor—it’s their reality. A reality where the noise, pace, structure, and social demands of mainstream education just don’t align with how their brain works. As parents, hearing this can be heartbreaking, especially when you know your child wants to learn and thrive but is trapped in an environment that doesn’t work for them.
One parent recently shared their 15-year-old son’s experience: sitting silently in class, trying to learn, while peers talk over the teacher. He doesn’t speak at school, not because he can’t, but because the environment doesn’t feel safe or inclusive enough for him to engage. He doesn’t want to “fit in” anymore—he just wants an education. His dream? To become an educational psychologist.
So, what can parents do when school isn’t working?
1. Recognise the Problem Isn’t Your Child
The system is built for the majority. Neurodivergent children, especially those with Autism, PDA, ADHD or anxiety-related school avoidance (EBSA), often don’t thrive in traditional settings. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. It means the system isn’t flexible enough.
2. Explore Alternative Provision
If mainstream school isn’t working, consider:
- EOTAS (Education Other Than At School)
- Specialist settings that focus on quiet, structured environments
- Online learning or blended models
- Tutors who can provide 1:1 support tailored to your child’s needs
3. Get the EHCP Working For You
An Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) should reflect your child’s needs today — not who they were two years ago. If your child has changed, if school isn’t meeting the provision, or if they’re still without a place, it may be time to request a review.
And if you’re facing resistance? Don’t forget you have rights. Appeals, complaints, and legal support exist to challenge poor decisions.
4. Find Safe Adults and Mentors
Children like this boy often just need one trusted adult to believe in them. Could it be a tutor, a school counsellor, a key worker, or even someone online? These connections can offer hope and help rebuild confidence.
5. Connect with Others
You’re not alone. Many parents are going through the same thing. Find support groups, online communities, or check out AskEllie.co.uk where we offer free support, legal advice, and a listening ear for parents navigating SEND.
Final Thought: Our children are not broken. The system is. But together, we can push for change. Whether that’s through finding alternative education, fighting for the right provision, or simply helping our child feel seen and heard, there is always a next step.
Your child’s dream of becoming an educational psychologist isn’t out of reach. And if he gets there, just imagine how many other square pegs he’ll help fit into a world that truly understands them.
Need help understanding EHCPs, school refusal, or SEND law? Visit www.askellie.co.uk for free, accessible advice tailored for parents like you.
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